Front Page > Family Times Page

Page 1 of 2 next » | Email | Print | Subscribe

Add To Insider Newsclips | Click-2-Listen

advertisement

Unleashed canine power runs rampant

LIFE AND TIMES
By Jennifer Harper
June 17, 2007

Any day now, some big dog -- probably a Labrador retriever -- is going to run for president and win. There will be a fuss over exit polls, campaign fundraising and maybe kibble -- but in the end, the canine candidate will emerge victorious. Network anchormen will pant before the cameras, vigorously scratch for fleas and make the following breathless pronouncement:
    "We now feel confident calling this race. Max, running as an independent, has won the 2008 presidential race by a wide margin. Max. I mean, Mr. Max, sir. Would you comment on your incredible win?"
    "Woof. Woof, woof, woof."
    Of course, Max's running mate will be a Shih Tzu named Rocky, which pundits around the nation will agree won over the small-dog owner vote while not offending cat-owning Democrats. DogPAC will be involved.
    Yes, well. Any day now.
    The point is that dogs have taken over most of the known universe. They have the power to make semicoherent humans trail after them at 6 a.m. clutching discreet little plastic bags for, well, you know. Dogs have their own hotels, spas, bluejeans, diet pills, yarmulkes, designer perfumes, psychiatrists, chaise lounges, ice cream, milk baths, Halloween costumes, mood collars and funeral urns. They were astronauts more than four decades ago. So they might as well run for president.
    Forty percent of the nation's households own at least one dog, a fact that might give political consultants great pause.
    Meanwhile, dogs are very busy horning in on summertime vacation territory.
    Once -- back when dogs were dogs and not humans with tails -- dogs went on relatively simple vacations. With considerable flailing of paws, the family dog was coaxed into the back seat of a giant Buick Roadmaster or perhaps a Ford Woody station wagon. After some reflective moments, the dog in question would stick its grinning muzzle out the back window, pendulous dog lips aflap, as the vehicle rocketed down the two-lane blacktop at 85 mph.
    The children who shared the back seat would scream things like, "Ma, the dog is drooling on me" or, alternatively, "Ma, the dog is eating the egg salad sandwiches."
    In days of yore, vacationing dogs were banned from roadside attractions, eateries and many motels, though occasionally they got to bark and snap at some other dog in some other Buick Roadmaster. The dogs would go through their best pantomimes, pretend they were about to jump out the car window, then call it a day. After dusk, the dog was snuck into the family's room at the Howard Johnson's motor court and later fed a half can of Pard on a paper plate.
    Now we have dog travel guides, such as the Xpress Press Dog-Friendly Dog Travel Guide, which lists all the hotels, motels, beaches, parks and assorted vacation spots that cater to dog owners, or rather, dogs with their owners in tow.

Page 1 of 2 next » | Email | Print | Subscribe

Add To Insider Newsclips | Click-2-Listen

Front Page > Family Times Page

Want to use this article? Click here for options! Copyright 2007 The Washington Times